I come from a family with various complex addictions. Whether it be smoking, pokies or drinking. From a young age its been something of the norm. I myself have battled with all 3. Gambling was not something i used to be interested in, however i began a relationship with an ex gambler (unknown to me at the beginning) and drinks and dinner, soon turned in common venues such as pubs/clubs. 1 Year into this relationship, I found that the norm was to go and bet on pokies.
After the loss of my father a year ago, gambling became something I turn too. My grief seemed to disappear with each hit and i would loose time playing away hard earned money. Something that started as a way to detach from what was happening around me has turned into something that is stressful and fills me with guilt and anxiety.
I am currently in the process of quitting. I say that loosely as the longest ive been away from pokies is just under 2 weeks. Its frustrating having this addiction, like everyone with addiction, I am consumed with impulsive thoughts, irrational ones really, always hoping for that big win. And most times a BIG win isnt good enough.
There is no end game unless it comes with no cash left. The stress and anxiety is so overwhelming and its hard to stay positive and work towards getting ahead of this addiction when I have rationalised it in my head that when I feel sad/upset/anxious or even happy i go spend money.

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